WCC convened a special meeting between Frank Lampard and Peter Crouch* so that they could explore the latter’s surprising source of inspiration. Their discussion is detailed below.
Frank Lampard: Hi Peter. I understand that your approach to the art of forward play has been inspired by quantum mechanics?
Peter Crouch: Hi Frank. Yes, that’s right. I heard Jonny Wilkinson [England rugby player] talking on the radio a couple of years back and was interested in how his approach had been influenced by quantum mechanics. The Schrodinger’s Cat thought experiment particularly fascinated me.
FL: Could you tell me a bit about this cat?
PC: It was devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger, and basically it’s about a cat inside a box. A subatomic particle may or may not decay inside the box, but if it does this would then release some poison. So basically the cat is alive and dead at the same time – until you open the box.
FL: How many cats were killed to find this out?
PC: It is only a thought experiment fortunately, so I hope it’s none.
FL: That’s a relief. So how is the cat alive and dead at the same time?
PC: It’s something to do with the superposition of states of being; the experiment shows the difficulty of applying principles of quantum mechanics to macroscopic entities – perhaps.
FL: OK. So it’s alive and dead at the same time, until you open the box and then?
PC: It would definitely be one state or the other – alive or dead.
FL: How so?
PC: Because its state depends on an external observer I think.
FL: OK, well I still don’t really get it. But I’m very interested to know how you are applying this knowledge to football.
PC: Well, do you remember that penalty against Jamaica back in 2006, when I tried the cheeky chip but missed embarrassingly?
FL: Oh yes.
PC: Well, I guess if there had been no external observers outside the 18 yard box then in a sense I would have simultaneously scored and not scored.
FL: You’d have still missed!
PC: I suppose so, but it would have been less embarrassing.
FL: OK, how else has Schrödinger’s Cat shaped your game?
PC: Well, a dead cat can’t catch a mouse and a dead centre forward can’t score a goal. But a cat that is simultaneously dead and alive could maybe catch a mouse and centre forward that is simultaneously dead and alive could maybe score a goal.
FL: Wise words.
PC: They’d probably get the wind up the opposition defence as well.
FL: Who would?
PC: The simultaneously dead and alive centre forward.
FL: Of course! Thanks for your time.
PC: Cheers.
* Frank Lampard and Peter Crouch have not been contacted by WCC and the above discussion is therefore assumed.
If I was Frank Lampard’s cat, I’d think about staying at the neighbours’ for a few days.
My next door neighbour has just lost her cat. Is it possible it could have been used in this experiment?
Yes and no.
What would have happened if Schr??dinger had used other animals such as geese, otters or abominable snowmen?
Schr??ndinger’s Goose was used to determine whether a Goose’s quack can be heard if there is no one there to hear it, but a bloody tree fell and killed the damn thing!