Stream of Consciousness Match Reports

James Joyce

Stream of consciousness is a well-established literary device. This approach to writing requires the author to convey thoughts as they run through their head (or the head of a character). As a result, the reader is provided access to the author’s internal monologue. The stream of consciousness style of writing provides perhaps the least mediated route to the apprehension of another person’s subjectivity and thought processes. Writers such as James Joyce and Virginia Woolf have adopted this approach within their literary works. Molly Bloom’s soliloquy in Joyce’s Ulysses is one of the most celebrated tracts of stream of consciousness writing.

WCC has decided to utilize the stream of consciousness approach when formulating its match reports for the World Cup this summer. Match reports usually just focus on the external “reality” of the game, detailing player activities and key incidents. We have decided that this is a highly inauthentic manner in which to recount the narrative of a football match. The reader ought to be provided with greater access to the linkages between the writer’s thoughts/perceptions and the on-pitch action. This can enable exploration of the interpretative interface that simultaneously demarcates and connects subjective mindscape(s) with “objective” environmental artefacts.

WCC believes that the stream of consciousness format will soon be considered the only way in which to report on football matches. Dreary reports, which clearly explicate what happened during a game, will therefore become obsolete. Below, we have provided a predicted excerpt from England’s opening game against USA.

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kick off come on england cannot believe zamora has made the first team gerrard on the ball overhit pass into touch bradley throw in green pitch white line wail of the vuvuzela lampard challenging spector back to howard edgy first minute its still raining outside the sodding english weather hopefully john and maureen will be free for a barbecue next weekend instead nice intervention by johnson dribbled straight into touch change your burger to a burger king burger you got it stately plump buck mulligan what are they bleating on about might mute the sound and put five live on wheres the radio oh no its alan green back to the telly usa putting some passes together is gerrard on the left or in the middle pink purple yellow red la la la la back to howard again rolled out to bocanegra hope england get a grip soon very soon soonish…