Wing-back (part 3)

Can Ashley Le Sansom convince Everpool’s new boss Glenn Keegan that he should keep his place in the first team? To see previous instalments please go to the Student Union archive.

Compressibility of Two-Dimensional Systems

My friend Dr Giles actually has a real doctorate – he obtained a PhD in Physics from the University of Exeter. Exclusively for WCC, Dr Giles outlines how the findings from his studies could boost England’s performance in South Africa.

What was the title of your PhD?

Compressibility Study of Single- and Double-Layer Two-Dimensional Systems.

What were the key findings?

The metal-to-insulator transition in two-dimensional systems is a fraud. This “new transition” was nothing of the sort, but was in fact an effect that could be described by old classical physics. There was no need to reinvent the wheel in order to explain it.

How might these findings inform Fabio Capello’s England plans?

Old methods work. There may be many permutations, but at its core football is a simple game, so it should be treated simply. No matter how novel another team’s tactics may appear, it is still just 11 men versus 11 men.

Which of the four fundamental forces (gravity, electromagnetism, weak nuclear, strong nuclear) best represents the England national team?

Gravity. The old man of the four has been around a long time and while it may no longer be considered the strongest of the four, it’s the most famous and its pull is felt the furthest. Also, the hammering handed out to England by the great Hungarian side of the 1950s caused a change in the national understanding of football as fundamental as that caused to gravity by Einstein’s theory of relativity – England discovered that football was a little more complex than was once thought. It may just be 11 men versus 11 men, but sometimes novel tactics can subvert the prevailing paradigm! 

How might the endeavour to reconcile quantum mechanics with general relativity help to solve the Gerrard/Lampard conundrum?

In physics string theory is a developing field which aims to reconcile quantum mechanics and general relativity into a quantum theory of gravity. It’s remarkably difficult to comprehend and requires at least 11 dimensions compared to the 4 dimensions we are familiar with (time plus the three spatial dimensions). String theory’s abstractness and untestable nature has caused many physicists to refer to it as “not even wrong”. In football, string theory rests on the even less credible hypothesis that the England midfield is able to string a few passes together.

Physics is concerned with matter, energy, motion and force – so what can it tell us about penalty kicks?

• Classical physics describes how to strike the ball with the optimum direction, power and swerve.
• Quantum physics calculates the probability of the ball finishing in the goal.
• Relativity explains why, during penalty shoot-outs, time slows to a standstill.

Adidas Jabulani

A new football Adidas Jabulani will be used at World Cup 2010. The Teamgeist ball in 2006 was the roundest that had ever been seen before. Incredibly the Jabulani is even rounder!

The creation of an orb that is rounder than any orb that has ever been seen before raises some intriguing questions. In philosophical terms, it had been claimed that perfection in our universe was impossible. For example, a circle or sphere will always have a line or boundary of an arbitrarily assigned size – we have no way of ascertaining how thick the edge around a perfect shape would be. In addition, immanent constructions exist within the curved spacetime of a non-Euclidean universe. Plato argued that the world of ideal form existed in a transcendental realm; humans were condemned to view fleeting glimpses as shadows dancing on the cave wall. It was not possible for us to obtain a vantage point from which we could access the world of ideal form directly. The Jabulani renders this perspective redundant! We now have access to a palpable Earthly rendering of a perfect sphere.

The manner in which World Cup footballs have changed over the years also raises questions over the nature of human perception and knowledge. Social Epistemology highlights that human knowledge claims cannot be separated from the social context in which they are framed. Our context perhaps even shapes our sensory modalities. For example, a few years ago our taste buds told us that cider tasted like acidic glop (as it was associated with teenagers drinking in parks), but following some Oirish branding and the inclusion of ice, we now all agree that cider tastes delicious. Similarly, it was accepted that the World Cup ball had always been a reasonable approximation of a sphere. But now our senses have been incrementally exposed to the shape of a real sphere, on reflection we can see that balls of old were far from round. In fact, as late as the 1966 World Cup, the ball was perhaps closer in shape to a cube.

Football used in 1966

With regard to practical matters, for some years now it has been claimed that sophisticated ball technology has favoured strikers ahead of goalkeepers. Lighter, rounder balls move unpredictably in the air making it difficult for goalkeepers to make saves. Statistics back up this perspective. In 1966 there was an average of 0.33 goals per game. This is because forwards had difficulty propelling the heavy, angular ball towards the goal. In 2006 the goals per game average had increased to 14.6, as goalkeepers found it practically impossible to handle the Teamgeist, which was like a slippery spherical torpedo. Although FIFA have made some nominal gesture to goalkeepers with the inclusion of a “grip ‘n’ groove” profile, goals are likely to be even more abundant in 2010 with the introduction of the ultra-round Jabulani.

However, perhaps the key question is: what do FIFA and Adidas do next? Some pundits are speculating that, as they have mastered perfection within three spatial dimensions, the next stage will be creating a sphere-equivalent within four spatial dimensions. We look forward to seeing the Jabulani in action this year, but are even more eager to see the four-dimensional offering in 2014.

Alternative XI – second attempt!

Back in February WCC suggested a team of fringe players that could come into the reckoning if they hit form and/or their key rivals experienced injury. Of the XI selected, Steven Warnock and Ryan Shawcross made the squad for the Egypt friendly but neither saw any action. The other nine haven’t made much headway. Therefore, it’s time for another go at locating some dark horses who could squeeze into the squad this summer.

I’ve opted for Steve Harper as goalkeeper. He’s presently helping to keep Newcastle at the top of England’s second-tier league, The Championship. Phil Neville has been out of the England reckoning for some time, but he’s been on good form for Everton and Fabio Capello isn’t spoilt for choice at right-back. Neville’s Everton team-mate Phil Jagielka was just breaking into the England squad when he experienced injury. He’s back now and has just enough time to push for a return this summer. Tottenham’s Michael Dawson has been on good form this season for a high-performing side. He’s uncapped but has played in two ‘B’ internationals. Nicky Shorey takes the left-back slot and may not be that far from the squad following Ashley Cole’s injury and Wayne Bridge’s withdrawal. Shorey was overlooked when he was at Villa, but is now playing regularly for Fulham.

In the likely absence of Owen Hargreaves, Bolton’s Fabrice Muamba may be the closest Capello has to a tough-tackling defensive midfielder. Keiran Richardson lines up with him in central midfield. Richardson used to play on the left-flank but is currently being used through the middle at Sunderland. It’s a while since he won a cap, but he’s been on reasonable form. Matthew Etherington is situated at left-midfield: his four goals and eight assists have contributed to Stoke’s sound showing in the Premier League this season.

On the other flank is Adam Johnson who is the key wildcard for this summer. He has broken straight into the first team since arriving at Man City in January. World Cup 2010 may come too soon for him, but he is an exciting prospect. Although he is left-footed he has been used on the right-flank recently. If Aaron Lennon fails to return to fitness, and Johnson himself keeps Shaun Wright-Phillips out of the Man City first XI, then he has an outside chance of making it into the extended squad in May. However, with Steven Gerrard tending to play an inside-left role for England, Capello may fear congestion if this is replicated by a left-footer cutting inside from the right. If Johnson is to be considered purely a left-sided player, then he will be in competition with his former Middlesbrough club-mate, and fellow leftie, Stewart Downing. And Capello may prefer the more established talents of the latter. 

In attack, Fulham’s Bobby Zamora is the target man and he’s paired with David Nugent who is now playing for Burnley. Nugent has scored a goal for England (he finished off a goal-bound Jermain Defoe effort against Andorra back in 2007). He subsequently had a tough time at Portsmouth under Harry Redknapp, but has now established that he has the talent for top flight football. He can play up front or wide midfield.

Champions League

During the dark days of the McClaren era it seemed that the prophecy of a ‘Golden Generation’ of English footballers had been woefully misplaced. England failed to qualify for Euro 2008 and there was much hand-wringing with regard to an apparent decline in English football. (Part of the reason was deemed to be the surfeit of overseas players in the Premier League which limited opportunities for English players.)

However, this maudlin perspective was contradicted somewhat by the buoyant showing of English clubs in the Champions League around this same period. At least one English club has made the Champions League final every year since 2005; whilst foreign players were prevalent in these sides, there was still a strong English contingent overall. The starting players from 2008 alone, when Manchester United played Chelsea, could have comprised nine members of an England outfield. These could be supplemented by Steven Gerrard who captained Liverpool in both the 2005 and 2007 finals.

The graphic shows an English Champions League X from 2007/08. The team actually falls together really well, with every player in their regular position. Owen Hargreaves (who is likely to miss World Cup 2010) is usually a central midfielder, but did play on the right of midfield for Man Utd in the 2008 final.

Jermaine Pennant, who started the final for Liverpool in 2007, is the principal substitute. He currently plays in Spain for Real Zaragoza and seems well out of the England reckoning. Peter Crouch who came off the bench in the same year would be an additional subsitute, whilst Scott Carson gets closest to the keeper’s jersey by virtue of being an unused sub back in 2005. Paul Scholes and Jamie Carragher could also have pushed for a place in this team, but they have both retired from international football.