Pattern Formation with a Conservation Law

My friend Dr Dave actually has a real doctorate – he obtained a PhD in Mathematics from the University of Nottingham. Exclusively for WCC, Dr Dave outlines how the findings from his studies could boost England’s performance in South Africa.

What was the title of your PhD?

Pattern formation with a conservation law

What were the key findings?

The influence of a conserved quantity can have a profound effect on the emergence of patterns in natural phenomena.

How might these findings inform Fabio Capello’s plans for England?

Football must be played knowing that momentum is conserved. Newton told us this, yet many players refuse to acknowledge it’s role in strategy and long throw-ins. It’s been recently noted that Emile Heskey is not governed by this law.

What number best represents the England side and why?

58008 – it looks like “boobs” viewed upside down on a calculator.

Emile Heskey or Jermain Defoe? Please provide an arcane mathematical proof which justifies your selection.

Emile introduces more entropy then Jermain.

Mathematics enables the apprehension of quantity, structure, space and change – so what does it suggest is ultimate football formation?

My perfect strategy simulation refuses to converge on a stable arrangement, but has fallen into a chaotic strange attractor which roughly resembles Wayne Rooney’s face.