If pundits were Windows’ “Help” icons!

Clippit – Mark Lawrenson A familiar but not altogether pleasing sight. Have a tendency to chip in unnecessarily with tired comments, which eventually grates the nerves somewhat. When you could genuinely do with some help you are merely presented with a shrug and raised eyebrow. Ultimately, they have little to offer of value and you could easily cope without them.

Rocky – Lee Dixon Loveable and eager to please, but they don’t really have much to tell you that you didn’t know already. Comments tend to be descriptive rather than explanatory, akin to “It looks like you’re writing a letter”. Ultimately, they have little to offer of value and you could easily cope without them.

Merlin – Alan Hansen The grandmaster of stating the obvious and offering insight where none is required. They think they’re being worldy-wise but it’s mostly old hat; and if you’re not in the mood for them it can all feel faintly patronising. Ultimately, they have little to offer of value and you could easily cope without them.

Dot – Ian Wright A bouncy and energetic presence but with nothing substantial to offer in the way of assistance. Any initial sense of fun gives way quickly to mild irritation as they become routine and predictable. Ultimately, they have little to offer of value and you could easily cope without them. Right click – Hide!